Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
