Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
