you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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