Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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