you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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