turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
