I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this just has baby written all over it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
