I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
