Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
