I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
