why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize