I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
