I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
