I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
