Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
