i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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