A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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