I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
