we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
