Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
