you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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