hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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