My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
is it fun? or sober?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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