morning after pill = breakfast in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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