Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
