why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
