This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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