PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
