Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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