I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
