If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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