You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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