I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
