There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
