So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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