I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
