She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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