Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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