chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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