Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
