I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i already hear my dad disowning me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
