your room smells of hookers.
And success
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
