I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
