I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
