I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
