the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
