Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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