It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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