there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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