The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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