I didn't shave. On purpose
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
false alarm, still single
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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