As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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