hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
