my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
