I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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