Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
