I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
