Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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