I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
