How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
