my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
