I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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