you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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