Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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