I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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