Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
