Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize