you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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