So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
